How long sex is supposed to last, according to an expert.

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How long sex is supposed to last, according to an expert.

An expert helps a man who’s worried he’s not lasting long enough in bed.

QUESTION: How long is sex supposed to last?

I’m single but I’ve had quite a few sexual partners and as I get older, I’d say the sex sessions are getting shorter.

I always thought this was because I knew that I had improved my technique and knew what I was doing.

However, I recently had a fling and she told me that she’d like sex to be longer – I wasn’t sure if she meant foreplay or just the penetration part.

Now I’m worried I’m not lasting long enough!

ANSWER: “I’m assuming that you’re talking about heterosexual sex here, so I’ll speak directly to that”.

I understand the pressure many men feel to ‘get it right’ during sex by knowing what to do and lasting the perfect amount of time – it’s challenging.
The short answer to ‘how long is sex supposed to last?’ is: as long as everyone participating wants it to.

Women often prefer increased time in foreplay

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“I can’t tell you exactly what the woman you were with meant, but I can tell you that many women prefer ‘foreplay’ to penetration sex”.

It takes women’s bodies time to fully prepare for penetration sex.
Time spent ‘warming up’ helps reduce the chance of women feeling pain during sex and increases their pleasure.

The recommendation from sexologists is that couples spend at least 20 minutes in foreplay before moving to penetration, but many women tell me that they wish it was longer

I understand the pressure many men feel to ‘get it right’ during sex by knowing what to do and lasting the perfect amount of time – it’s challenging.

The short answer to ‘how long is sex supposed to last?’ is: as long as everyone participating wants it to.

Women often prefer increased time in foreplay

I can’t tell you exactly what the woman you were with meant, but I can tell you that many women prefer ‘foreplay’ to penetration sex.

It takes women’s bodies time to fully prepare for penetration sex.

Time spent ‘warming up’ helps reduce the chance of women feeling pain during sex and increases their pleasure.

The recommendation from sexologists is that couples spend at least 20 minutes in foreplay before moving to penetration, but many women tell me that they wish it was longer.

We often have fairly rigid assumptions about how sex ‘should’ go and how it should conclude.

We tend to have ideas that sex should start with some ‘foreplay’, go to penetration and then end in orgasm for both partners, preferably at the same time.

But great sex doesn’t have to follow this linear path.

Most couples don’t reach orgasm at the same time.

For some people sex is enjoyable even if they don’t reach orgasm.

Sex can even be enjoyable without penetration.

When we expand our views of what sex is and what our goals should be, we open ourselves to more pleasure possibilities

The best way to find out what a partner wants is to ask

If you’re not sure what your recent partner meant, ask her.

The best way to ensure that you and your partners enjoy themselves is to communicate about it.

Everyone enjoys slightly different things during sex – and what we want can be different day to day.

You can’t be expected to know what every partner wants.